Dealing with Difficult People: Identify, Understand & Thrive
Do you ever feel like you’re surrounded by difficult people? They can be bullies, know-it-alls, or even those who just can’t make a decision! These challenging personalities can drain your energy and make your life miserable. But fear not! This blog will equip you with the knowledge and tools you need to identify, understand, and deal with difficult people effectively.
Drawing on research and insights from the book “Coping with Difficult People” by Robert M. Bramson, we’ll explore seven distinct types of difficult people. We’ll discuss their behaviors, how they make you feel, and most importantly, how dealing with difficult people in a way that protects your well-being and fosters productivity.
1.1 SHERMAN TANKS
I would say, the bully person, who has hostile Aggressive behaviour comes into this category. In simpler words, people who are arrogant in tone, I understand that a lot of us when loses temper may sound arrogant, however, these people expresses the feeling of “Attack”, not to express their madness towards what wrong you said or did, but is directed towards – YOU.
They usually show behaviour like being abusive, abrupt, intimidating and overwhelming. These people have a strong need too be right, they consider themselves to be inferior among those they can suppress or bully.
Deal with Sherman Tanks: See my friend, I won’t say difficult people are bad people, but you gotta stand up for yourself. In order to feel good themselves, they will push you to feel insecure about yourself. You’ll start feeling that you are actually wrong. To overcome this, in a situation where you identify someone is a Sherman Tank, avoid an open confrontation about who is right or wrong. Let them carry on with their point, till they run down.
- Here’s a trick, if you confront a person and they turns out to be yelling or very angry, just hold for a minute, let them run down, stand and watch them in there eyes, and there motion will break, here you need to get back in the situation. Sometimes, if you see the person is not letting you put your point on the table, Go Ahead, INTERRUPT THEM, if they don’t stop, interrupt them again, it might be awkward for a sec, but you need to take the situation to calm down, make them sit down and speak from your own point of view. Remember, Don’t just speak to win from them, and be open to be in a friendly environment with people later on.
1.2. SNIPERS
We talked a lot about SHERMAN TANKS above, Snipers are also somewhat same like them, but let me warn you, they are a little more dangerous people, individuals who can be considered as devil behind a mask. Snipers are considered as a part of Hostile Aggressive Trio.
Now the interesting part about them is that they are not going to crash down on you like Sherman tanks, they maintain a cover. You must be thinking, COVER? , Yes! Have you ever witnessed a friend or a family member, who is likely to be jealous of what you do, and all they can do is teasing or using sarcasm and make you feel pinned down?
If Yes!, here you identified Snipers, let me simplify it for you, innuendos, sarcasm, not-so subtle digs, non-playful teasing, etc are some example of behaviour activities one can see in an individual, basically they choose Rock as their weapon hidden in a snowball.
People who show such behaviour, are likely to have unresolved problems in their life, worsen by the behaviour of suppressing people around them.
Deal with Snipers: A lot of studies shows that it is better to resolve issues with such minded people privately and politely. Continuous behaviour or malicious snipers can be handled by asking direct questions about their intentions.
- Use specific questions to expose their behaviour, such as “What are you really trying to say?” or “What does that have to do with this?”
1.3. EXPLODERS
As the last part of the Hostile Aggressive Trio, Exploders look and sound like having an adult tantrum, someone full of rage. They exhibit frustration, hurt, and rage that escalate into a fury. These people are someone who have difficulty in controlling their emotions, now if they cant themselves control their emotion, it is obvious they are going to push their emotions on other people. Now, this is not only about “over-emotional” people. NO! NO!, they are going to use harsh words and condemning attitudes, their emotion outburst can occur from any minor or major event, resulting in sudden and intense outbursts.
let’s see how you’ll be dealing with difficult people like exploders:
Deal with Exploders: we understand that people might be going through numerous issues in their lives, if someone is having an emotional breakdown, we just get silent and blank, becuase you don’t know why the person is having an outburst for. But they need to know their limits, just give them time to vent out and regain self- control, a few minutes will help. However, if they don’t regain their self- control, and starts to be abrupt towards you, starts to emotionally pull you down, and make you remember your own tantrums, this is very important to break into the tantrum by saying or yelling “stop!”.
- dealing with difficult people might seem a complicated task, start by letting them know that you are serious about the situation, try to handle the situation as soon as possible rather than later, it might get worse in some time.
- Exploders aggressive behaviour is said to be demoralizing for other, people around them feel so low just alike they “walk on eggshells”, be wise person, don’t take anything offensive, why I say that is because you need to get the person’s attention, tell them you want to discuss about the situation when everything is more calmer and act like you care and understand their behaviour is caused by unhappy circumstances.
1.4. COMPLAINERS
There must be a time, when you might have encountered someone consistently expressing negative thoughts an emotions not only towards their lives but towards everything. These kind of behaviour makes the person as attention-seekers, they find faults with everything, you see them making things complicated by using a lot of “ands” and “buts”, expecting you or “someone” to do something about it.
Surrounded by such people, you may start feeling tired and frustrated in order to make them agree on something. Sometimes we feel sympathetic towards these people as we feel superior in front of them, you might be willing to help them but eventually you’ll realize that they usually view themselves as powerless, prescriptive and perfect and comes to no conclusion.
- Deal with Complainers: setting boundaries with such people is the wisest decision. You might be a little sympathetic towards them but you got to be really limited towards what are offering.
- Avoid being approachable, don’t think they need help until they ask for it directly, avoid validating their complaints without evidence.
- Remember your emotions are in your charge, don’t join their negativity and suggest them to express gratitude whenever they feel like complaining.
1.5. NEGATIVIST
“it won’t work” or “it’s no use trying” or “we tried that” or “they’ll neverlet us”, if you are familiar with these phrases, you have a negativist around you. A person who is often reasonably competent in their own right and respond to anyone else’s productive suggestions, is the Negativist. They don’t intentionally wants to be an obstacle in your way, but they themselves feel dispirited and defeated, the reason behind that is they believe that others in power don’t care or are self- serving. I would say their negative statements are made with conviction, this behaviour or approach may make you feel disappointed and helpless. This is obvious, that after listening to a negative approach after every point, you may get angry, resulting in feeling no hopes for the plans you have made.
- Deal with Negativist: Negativist people often drag conversations into despair, affecting the morale of those around them. To cope effectively, stay alert to the potential of being influenced by their pessimism. Instead of arguing, make optimistic yet realistic statements about past successes in solving similar problems. Avoid offering solutions until the problem has been thoroughly discussed. When alternatives are suggested, raise questions to ensure all aspects are considered. Treat their negative comments as potential problems to be solved rather than definitive outcomes. By maintaining a balanced perspective, you can navigate interactions with negativist individuals more effectively, fostering a more positive environment.
1.5. BULLDOZERS
Bulldozers are highly productive individuals, known for their thorough and accurate thinking. They make competent, careful plans and execute them with remarkable persistence, even when faced with significant obstacles. Unlike the overconfident “Balloons,” these know-it-all experts genuinely possess extensive knowledge. However, their absolute certainty and condescending demeanor can make interactions challenging. Often right in their assessments, they can elicit resistant and self-defeating behaviors from others, and when things go awry, they tend to blame the “incompetents.”
You Feel… Dealing with Bulldozers can leave you feeling humiliated, immobilized, helplessly angry, inept, confused, stupid, and resentful.
Deal with Bulldozers: To navigate interactions with Bulldozers, get them to consider alternative views without directly challenging their expertise. Do your homework so you can engage confidently. Listen actively and acknowledge their points by paraphrasing, demonstrating that you understand their perspective. Question firmly but avoid confrontational tones. Don’t patronize them, and always acknowledge their competence. If the interaction becomes overwhelming, take a break to reflect and regroup.
By approaching Bulldozers with respect and a strategy, you can maintain your confidence and contribute meaningfully to discussions, turning potentially difficult encounters into productive ones. Engage with them thoughtfully and leverage their expertise to foster a collaborative environment.
1.6. BALLONS
Balloons crave admiration and respect, wanting to be seen as knowledgeable, competent, and important. They often act like experts, speaking with great authority on subjects they barely understand. Their information comes from newspapers, books, rumors, and eavesdropping, feeding their curiosity and desire to feel “in the know.” This behavior can be misleading and frustrating for others, especially when their confidence overshadows their lack of actual expertise.
You Feel… When dealing with Balloons, you may feel mild irritation, impatience, or embarrassment. It’s common to wonder whether you should intervene to prevent them from misleading everyone.
How to Cope To cope with Balloons, present your data as an alternative set of facts and your own perceptions without directly challenging them. This approach provides a different perspective without causing them to lose face. Engage them in private conversations where they can recover without an audience, ensuring their dignity remains intact. Be prepared to steer the conversation gently, giving them a chance to regain composure while subtly correcting misinformation.
By handling Balloons with tact and respect, you can minimize disruption and maintain a positive interaction. Offering alternative views discreetly allows you to guide the conversation constructively, turning a potentially difficult situation into an opportunity for productive dialogue.
1.7. INDECISIVE STALLERS
Stallers become problematic when your progress depends on their action. They are super-helpful yet indecisive, often listening attentively and showing interest. However, they struggle to follow through, leading to frustration. When confronted, they apologize and highlight complications. Their desire to be helpful clashes with their inability to make decisions that might hurt someone. They value quality over speed and tend to hint rather than be direct, aiming to avoid hurting anyone.
You Feel… When dealing with Stallers, you may experience anguish, confusion, anger, and anxiety. Over time, you might lose enthusiasm and commitment to projects involving them.
How to Cope To cope with Stallers, create an environment where they feel comfortable sharing conflicts or reservations. Pay attention to indirect words, hesitations, and omissions that hint at underlying issues. Once these issues surface, help them prioritize potential solutions. If their reservations involve you, acknowledge past problems, present relevant data non-defensively, propose a plan, and seek their help. If they become angry or withdrawn, remove them from the situation. After a decision is made, offer support and keep action steps in your control.
By understanding their behaviour and providing a supportive structure, you can help Stallers move past their indecision, ensuring progress and maintaining a positive working relationship.
1.8. CALMERS
Clams are silent, unresponsive individuals who shut down communication when you need it most. Their silence can stem from a desire to avoid painful situations, calculated aggression, or self-evasion. This unresponsiveness can be a way to avoid trouble or guilt, making interactions with them particularly challenging.
You Feel… Interacting with Clams often leaves you feeling confused, perplexed, frustrated, annoyed, angry, disappointed, or even hurt or embarrassed.
How to Cope To handle Clams effectively, ask open-ended questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Use a friendly, quizzical, expectant silent stare with raised eyebrows and wide eyes—this technique surprisingly works. Be comfortable with the silence and wait for their response, resisting the urge to fill the space. Comment on the situation to acknowledge the silence and then circle back to your questions. If the tension persists, ask a different question to address their unresponsiveness. Finally, set time limits to ensure that the conversation eventually progresses.
By using these strategies, you can encourage Clams to open up, facilitating better communication and understanding in your interactions.
By understanding the different types of difficult people and the strategies for dealing with them, you can take control of your interactions and create a more positive and productive environment. Remember, you don’t have to let difficult people win! With the right approach, you can conquer any challenge and thrive in any situation.
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